Written Earlier. Published Today:
It’s a Thursday night in July. I have taken a break from filing bills and credit card statements to write this while, listening to Gloria Estefan’s “Coming Out of The Dark”. Epitome of cheesy, I know. My day consisted of a 3 plus hour visit to the Virginia DMV, administrative work tasks, and getting two fillings. Normally, I’d default to self deprecation and call myself “lame” or lament about #adulting. I’m on this journey, though. I guess I’ve always been on it but, now I am more aware that I am on it. About a year ago, I moved home with my mother to “get better” and in a few weeks I’ll be entering my “Jesus Year”(I'm gonna be 33 on August 1). Last year this time, I was convinced I was going to get it together. And perhaps, by some definition(s) I did. In many ways you could say I am living into those Yeezy’s lyrics of youre…”I ain’t play the hand I was dealt, I changed my cards/I prayed to the sky and I changed my stars”.
I’ve already began my band-aid year. I’m calling it a band-aid year because I’m ripping of band-aids and trying to be responsible. I hope to work towards some things I’ve always wanted. The band-aid year is about health: financial health, healthy relationships, physical health, mental health, spiritual health. I think it’s easier to begin the band-aid year because I have to. I moved out of my home state which means I have to find new- hair dressers, doctors, dentists, CPA’s, great burrito joints. I have to learn new routes and new routines. I am not sure how public I am gonna be about the band-aid year until there are successes. I carry quite a bit of shame about decisions I’ve made or neglected to make. However I vacillate between two things that have me tempted to just share 1) I firmly have embraced the hip-hop mantra of early 90’s gansta rap and strive to "keep it real"- which I define as being authentic and 2) I grew up watching (read slightly obsessed with) The Oprah Winfrey Show and know that sharing stories can engender empathy and even healing and wholeness via interconnectedness. So maybe I’ll share more in the interim. I’m not one for self-promotion anyway so, maybe no one will see it. Here are some hopes for the band-aid year, written in pop-culture/music vernacular, of course
- “ I Got money to blooow” - Stop living paycheck to paycheck-Establish a solid savings account, Budget.
- “Let it go”- toxic people, toxic thoughts- can step to the left.
- “You Raise Me up” Get my head above water with a massive amount of debt- both credit card and student loans.
- “Baby you should go and love yourself” Explore what it means to be loved- self-love,romantic love.
- “ just living my life, eh eh eh eh” -Live like I want to still be living at 50- this is the physical health aspect. Welcome to my world: vegetables and exercise. See you in moderation-ville french fries, talenti pints, and coca cola.
Cheers to a valiant effort of Band-Aid year!